so, remember how like a month ago, i said that from now on i’d only accept someone willing to give me bigger chunks of the loaf?
then i went and started crushing out hardcore on someone i’ve developed an email/text-based faux-relationship with. who lives in a different fucking country. who i’ve never even spoken to on the phone. who i have no firm plans to meet, necessarily, ever. who still has feelings for an ex-girlfriend.
WHY ME?
OK. So… Say you write to a somewhat interesting-seeming guy on OKCuckoo. Say you write a few short sentences saying, essentially, “Hey, you seem smart and interesting. I like your profile. Check mine out and write back if you feel so inclined.”
Then you get this message back from said guy:
“Hi, thanks for writing. Those are nice things of you to say. Hope your weekend is a good one. Regards, Eric”
Uh… Alright then! Thanks for those insightful comments, Eric. Thanks for taking the time to respond WITHOUT ACTUALLY SAYING ANYTHING or asking me any questions or saying any “nice things” back to me. That makes me feel really good; really special. Sigh.
I just went through a breakup (via email! stay classy!) with someone who gave me nothing more than crumbs for 3 months, who toyed with me and gave me mixed signal after mixed signal. It was painful and not that fun feeling like such a low priority for someone I was truly interested in, someone I felt something for. While discussing this shit with my friend Sarah last night, I realized (yet again) that i won’t accept crumbs anymore. NO MORE CRUMBS! As Sarah said, I WANT THE WHOLE LOAF. if you can’t bother or don’t have enough time or don’t have enough interest to give me, at least, BIGGER CHUNKS OF THE LOAF, then don’t bother writing at all, Eric. Same goes for the rest of you dudes on OKCuckoo.
dear asswipe, it takes a very special kind of man to dump a girl via email.
not that it came totally unexpectedly. yesterday morning, when i discovered you’d put your OKCupid profile back up without telling me, i knew things were over between us. uh, i mean, obviously. right then it became painfully clear that you were just too much of a pussy to clue me in to the fact that you wanted out. but no matter how cold and robotic and emotionally stunted you’ve seemed during these 2.5 months we’ve been dating, i still thought, underneath it all, that you cared. you were SO affectionate and SO demonstrative and SO all over me, all the time — in public, in private, anywhere and everywhere. maybe it was a cultural thing? a latin-man thing? i kept wondering, kept analyzing, kept worrying, kept trying to figure you out.
it was exhausting.
and it didn’t add up — why would someone who seemed SO physically into me act SO removed when we were apart? it didn’t take long, into our “relationship,” that you started disappearing between dates. no calls, no texts, no emails. it would usually take 3-4 days for me to hear from you. but the closer i felt like we were getting physically — every time we got together, it felt good and right and like things were progressing — the more i sensed that your waiting so long to contact me WASN’T NORMAL. it wasn’t right. who treats someone he’s sleeping with, and in an exclusive relationship with, like that?
i knew that was weird, i knew it was off, but i kept going, thinking the way you treated me when we were together might be able to compensate for your mysterious MIA-ness when we were apart. we had fun together and the chemistry was good. on paper, you had everything i was looking for — a great job you were passionate about, financial stability, creativity, smarts, hotness, interesting-ness, and, i admit, you were really sweet with my animals, which meant a lot to me.
it’s painfully obvious now that i was ALL WRONG about you. you’re emotionally damaged, clearly. i feel sorry for any woman you attempt to “date” (meaning, ahem, “mindfuck”). you shouldn’t be on OKCupid. you’re not looking for a relationship. you’re not looking for anything real. you’re looking for an easy breezy bullshit fuck-buddy. maybe one you could even call your “girlfriend.” but you aren’t looking for intimacy or honesty or communication or any of the other things that are supposed to come, as part of the package deal, when you’re in a relationship.
you’re a self-centered, cowardly emotional midget. i hope you spend the rest of your days alone, playing your video games, watching your bullshit animated movies, and avoiding anything resembling a real relationship with a real, live woman who attempts to care about you. you clearly just can’t handle it.
sincerely, me
p.s. no, we can’t still be friends. go fuck yourself.
finally… 2 dates with a cute man with a good job, respectable manners, cute smile, and — sigh — an adorable accent. who doesn’t constantly (or ever) check his phone during our date, or gaze past me / around the room at the dinner table, or make promises (like, uh, “i’ll call you tomorrow”) he doesn’t intend to keep.
hopefully there will be a date 3 soon. no plans yet, but i’m hopeful.
do people use okcupid without wanting to kill themselves?
every time i sign in and see that one of my recent dates is “online now,” it makes me want to jab a pencil in my eye repeatedly.
i’m not cut out for this.
Why the hell do people on OKCupid who are “seeing someone” still frequent OKCupid? Why do they feel the need to return to OKCupid to inform the world that they are now “seeing someone”? Why, if they’re happily “seeing someone,” wouldn’t they just take their profile down and go about their business?
This really irks me.
like this quip from a cute but oh-so-lofty gent from OKCupid:
“I’m a serious man. You could say I’m like a cross between Kenny Powers and Carl Sagan. That would be a wild exaggeration; but twould be funny of you to say.”
help me… please.
woo hoo! in the last month, i’ve…
* dumped one nice, cute guy after 3 dates b/c the chemistry wasn’t there
* had one great date with a guy who worked at google; i felt a strong-ish connection with him; he seemed into it, too; then he promptly disappeared a few days after we met
* had 2 good dates with a tall asian man who has twice promised to call me after our dates and twice not followed through. we met up last sunday; had a long 6-hour date together; made out. as we were saying goodbye he said he’d call. it’s been 6 days and… nada!
consider my okcupid account DISABLED. i’m done. fuck you too!
i wrote about my internet-dating frustrations over at yahoo! shine. check it out and post a comment, please!
so…at what point are you supposed to Give Up on internet dating? at what point are you supposed to Give Up on finding love at all? it saddens me to say it, but… i think i’m almost there.
i’ve relied on internet dating so much in recent years b/c i’m not the sort of person who gets hit on all the time. i’m introverted; i don’t smile a lot in public. men don’t often approach me. and i don’t drink (not right now, anyway), so the bar scene isn’t an option.
can someone tell me, please, where i’m supposed to meet men? somewhere that’s not on the internet (because, as is evidenced here, internet dating isnt working for me).
i’m slowly losing my mind, see.