February 2012
1 post
so, remember how like a month ago, i said that from now on i’d only accept someone willing to give me bigger chunks of the loaf?
then i went and started crushing out hardcore on someone i’ve developed an email/text-based faux-relationship with. who lives in a different fucking country. who i’ve never even spoken to on the phone. who i have no firm plans to meet, necessarily,...
January 2012
2 posts
9 tags
The crumbs vs. the loaf
OK. So… Say you write to a somewhat interesting-seeming guy on OKCuckoo. Say you write a few short sentences saying, essentially, “Hey, you seem smart and interesting. I like your profile. Check mine out and write back if you feel so inclined.”
Then you get this message back from said guy:
“Hi, thanks for writing. Those are nice things of you to say. Hope your weekend...
...almost as bad as a post-it note
dear asswipe, it takes a very special kind of man to dump a girl via email.
not that it came totally unexpectedly. yesterday morning, when i discovered you’d put your OKCupid profile back up without telling me, i knew things were over between us. uh, i mean, obviously. right then it became painfully clear that you were just too much of a pussy to clue me in to the fact that you wanted...
November 2011
1 post
a change of pace, finally
finally… 2 dates with a cute man with a good job, respectable manners, cute smile, and — sigh — an adorable accent. who doesn’t constantly (or ever) check his phone during our date, or gaze past me / around the room at the dinner table, or make promises (like, uh, “i’ll call you tomorrow”) he doesn’t intend to keep.
hopefully there will be a date 3...
October 2011
3 posts
tell me! how...
do people use okcupid without wanting to kill themselves?
every time i sign in and see that one of my recent dates is “online now,” it makes me want to jab a pencil in my eye repeatedly.
i’m not cut out for this.
"seeing someone"
Why the hell do people on OKCupid who are “seeing someone” still frequent OKCupid? Why do they feel the need to return to OKCupid to inform the world that they are now “seeing someone”? Why, if they’re happily “seeing someone,” wouldn’t they just take their profile down and go about their business?
This really irks me.
you know it's bad when he uses the term "twould"
like this quip from a cute but oh-so-lofty gent from OKCupid:
“I’m a serious man. You could say I’m like a cross between Kenny Powers and Carl Sagan. That would be a wild exaggeration; but twould be funny of you to say.”
help me… please.
February 2011
1 post
done. and done.
woo hoo! in the last month, i’ve…
* dumped one nice, cute guy after 3 dates b/c the chemistry wasn’t there
* had one great date with a guy who worked at google; i felt a strong-ish connection with him; he seemed into it, too; then he promptly disappeared a few days after we met
* had 2 good dates with a tall asian man who has twice promised to call me after our dates and...
October 2010
2 posts
more of my rambling about online dating
i wrote about my internet-dating frustrations over at yahoo! shine. check it out and post a comment, please!
http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/internet-dating-when-is-it-time-to-log-off-for-good-2398086/;_ylt=AgbwOfgLMjTUIxqgnFloWn5hbqU5
so…at what point are you supposed to Give Up on internet dating? at what point are you supposed to Give Up on finding love at all? it saddens me to say it, but… i think i’m almost there.
i’ve relied on internet dating so much in recent years b/c i’m not the sort of person who gets hit on all the time. i’m introverted; i don’t smile a lot in public. men...
August 2010
1 post
this must be a joke, right?
some guy just IMed this to me on OKCupid: “can you help please? I assure you im not ugly, factors like constantly moving, indoor studying, boys school, not a frequent social persons is why im alone. and virgin.”
he had no picture and claimed to be 20.
yummy!
July 2010
1 post
baz, san francisco, july 2010
you know you’ll never see him again when he hugs you and says, “take care.”
***
internet dating is killing my soul and any wavering shred of self-confidence i ever had. i don’t know how much more i can take. yes, i am melodramatic. but each and every go-nowhere date feels like throwing myself in front of a mack truck, again and again and again.
how much longer?
April 2010
1 post
joe, sf, april 2010.
last sunday i went on an okcupid date with a therapist. he was smart, and very cute. a little more clean-cut than i usually go for, but very cute. we had decent conversation, but i was nervous, and for some reason my nerves never settled down. that night i didn’t feel On, or cute, or sexy, or particularly good about myself. i just felt nervous and like i wanted him to like me, and i...
March 2010
3 posts
anki, san francisco, march 2010.
last week i had an internet date with anki (not his real name), a cute indian guy who looked very very clean. like, unnaturally clean. every thing in its right place. every hair in place. every millimeter of his outfit perfectly pressed and clean and pretty. in all of his pictures he was smiling broadly, white teeth flashing, looking happy and unconcerned. in person he seemed equally happy. much...
men's nails
men’s nails should not be long. they should be short. we should not see the white part of your nails, guys. NO WHITES OF THE NAILS! fix it! it’s so not cute!
big turnoff.
"flaccid dating voice" = subject line of message
i received this missive over the weekend from the guy who showed up to our date in a tennis outfit. he wrote me on facebook, totally unprompted. my friend, who’d originally set us up, told him i hadn’t felt a “love connection,” but he and i had had no direct contact since our date one week before.
i feel kind-of bad for the guy. i think he’s a decent person,...
February 2010
2 posts
dislike button
saturday’s blind date showed up wearing his tennis outfit. (he had come to meet me straight from playing tennis.)
a fun response to my CL ad (i know, i know, why...
Hi Girl, How r u? I like your profile…. sounds good… but I have to believe it to make sure it is OK……. I like your funky eyeglasses„„„ they are grea!!!! I cant send u a picture untill u send me a real picture„„„ those glases looks like the ones my grand mom you’s too waer@@@@@@@ G
January 2010
3 posts
Tom, San Francisco. circa june ‘07
As i approached the cafe, I spotted the man who might or might not be my internet date, tom. he was sitting at an outdoor cafe table listening to music on his computer, and he was DANCING. you know — dancing in his seat. Throwing his arms up in the air and bobbing the shit out of his head. It looked like he was having a seizure. also, as an aside, I don’t go for men like that. I prefer men who...
which dating bloggers should i follow here?
halp. please post your suggestions in the comments.
UPDATED! aaron, san francisco, circa nov. '09
i was super-excited when i got the text late one sunday night.
“hey laura, it’s aaron. any interest in checking out my friend’s burlesque show at the makeout room tomorrow night?”
i didn’t recognize the phone number, but my heart fluttered when i saw the name “aaron.” ahhhhh! AARON!!!!! i loved aaron! aaron was the sweetsmartfunnycoolweirdlyadorable...
November 2009
1 post
an exceptionally classy message from a guy on...
“Thanks so much for the message. You made me smile. :) You’re definitely cute, but I’m a pretty skinny guy so I just have to ask you this terrible question: how much do you weigh? :)”
May 2009
8 posts
okcupid no-go
instant dealbreaker: any guy who indicates that he “dislikes cats” on his okcupid profile.
bad idea, guys. really bad idea.
an okcupid subject line: "eyes as your's give life...
i got this gorgeous poem in my OKCupid inbox last week, so i thought i’d share the, um, creativity.
i especially like the dude’s over-reliance on ellipses at the end. if anyone has any idea how to translate this mess, please — do tell.
“aloof shuns a fool,lest shackels be fethered such counsel be coined as lovers are martyr’d bereft of sobriety and all its releases...
cal, redux. (a.k.a. a message from cal., a.k.a....
for your voyeuristic pleasure, here’s some of what Cal emailed me after i told him i couldn’t see him again after our first date. said first date had actually gone really well until he revealed that he was a drug addict.
“I feel as if I am being misread here, but if you’re [sic] gut instinct is to not see me then I agree that there is no point to continue. I would find...
marco. (san francisco, circa 2007.)
I was ridiculously attracted to Marco when we met for our first date in the spring of 2007. Twice as good-looking in person as in his photos, Marco was Chilean, with eyes and hair like black coffee and a large, self-deprecatory intellect that he enjoyed tossing around to great effect. Our date went pretty well. Like I said, I was ridiculously attracted to him, so I admittedly overlooked a sign or...
cal. (san francisco, circa 2009.)
I wasn’t sure what to expect as I pulled my car to the curb near Weird Fish. I was meeting Cal, a soon-to-be-40-year-old born and raised in the Bay Area. According to his OKDoMeNow profile, he was 5’10,” lived in Oakland, worked in graphic design by day, but had a real passion for music. We’d talked on the phone once prior, and noted that we shared a dorky interest in astrology.
I spotted him...
scott. (nyc, circa 2001.)
Shortly after the disintegration of a quickie one-month relationship with a man I’d met (where else?) online, I headed back to Nerve.com to peruse the personals. I arranged a post-work happy hour date with Scott, a cute blond filmmaker who seemed cool, but quiet. His profile wasn’t very fleshed out. In retrospect, I should have taken the cues and run for the hills.
On the Tuesday afternoon we...
randy. (brooklyn, circa 2002.)
When I lived in New York after college, I was the queen of internet dating. I used Nerve.com’s personals like there was no tomorrow. I wanted a boyfriend, damnit (though in a pinch, a one-night hookup would do). One night, on a whim, I replied to a guy whose photo was almost entirely blurred out. (Smart, I know.) He seemed cool; I was lonely (cough, desperate, cough).
We arranged to meet a couple...
mike. (san francisco, circa 2005.)
Mike wrote to me on Friendster back when people actually used that site. His complexion was ruddy and his face was round, but his eyes were a pretty pale blue and I liked his glasses. I also liked that we’d gone to the same college. He seemed like a solid, quality sort of guy.
We met at a San Francisco dive bar for drinks one Sunday afternoon. We sat in the sunny outdoor patio and talked across a...